Have you ever been heartbroken? How does it feel? Do you feel like dying, worthless and useless? Your life has suddenly lost its meaning. The reason to continue living is relatively low. Nothing matters to you anymore.
The sweetness of life has suddenly gone sour. You are feeling headache, chest pain, body pain, everywhere is aching. Your heart is literally breaking into pieces. I know how you feel because I’ve been there too so you are not alone in this.
A lady asked me this question in my inbox. After narrating her story to me of how she’s been dumped by a man that was supposed to marry her; she then asked “how can I get over this feeling? I’m dieing inside. How can I stop feeling the way I am feeling?
She was really heartbroken and devastated but after responding to her mail, I decided to write a post on it because I know she is not the only one in this kind of situation. Let me sound this loud and clear to whomsoever it may concern; suicide is never an option. Don’t end it the easy way. Remember you are not alone in this.
According to Saul Bellow, in one of his novels titled ”More Die of Heartbreak, I extracted this passage where he wrote that “more die of heartbreak than anything else, yet there are no mass movement against heartbreak or demonstrations in the streets.
He poured so much out in this book. As unfortunate as this sounds, it’s the bitter truth. Heartbreak has silently taken so many people down.
Heartbreak hurts, there is no two ways about it. The pain is real. No matter how you look at it. It breaks you when you remember all the times you were told how much they loved you; how they can never trade you for anything. How loving you was the best thing that happened to them.
You will begin to ask yourself a lot of questions like; What happened to all the sweet things you were told? Do they ever meant all those? At what point did they stop loving you? Were they all lies? And so on but let me come in here and help you.
They might be true or lies but trying to figure out all that now will hurt you the more. The most important thing is for you to wake up to the reality and what is this reality? It is over! Accept it and live by it. Do not over analyze it.
First, know that it is normal that you are feeling this way. There is nothing wrong in feeling heartbroken. The pain you’re feeling is normal and natural. Allow yourself to feel it, do not stop it. Let all those negative emotions out.
Do not try to pretend as if all is well. Remember that, thinking about this person that hurt you so much is normal, don’t force yourself to forget and don’t worry, time will take care of that for you, soon, it will all become history.
Do not force yourself to heal. Cry as much as you can. One mistake you should avoid; do not try to use someone else to heal. It doesn’t work that way. Most of the people that rushed into another relationship to help them heal, regretted it. Don’t do it.
It’s not advisable to start dating immediately, give yourself time to heal. It is better for you to enter into your next relationship consciously because, it will save you a lot of energy. Don’t rush to social media, it will do you no good either.
There is nothing wrong with you. It is not your fault that you fell for the wrong person, you are only a human. It didn’t work out because it wasn’t meant to be. Know that, if it didn’t crash now, it would have crashed eventually.
Without wasting much time, lets get down to business of the day, which is the best way to get over your heartbreak fast. I am going to tell you the basics, not how I got over mine.
My reason is simple, mine was more time consuming and requires more energy and determination, which I know, some people don’t have.
It’s not everyone that has the inner power to pull through by themselves. I didn’t meet with anyone, I pushed myself. I went through the healing process all alone by myself.
There is nothing you are going through or feeling now that no one else has gone through or felt. I cried until my tears became uncontrollabe. I wanted to die because I felt that will end my pain and misery.
It took me time to heal. So, I don’t want you to go through that same process, that’s why I’m here. You can heal faster and better than I did. See below:
ACCEPT THE REALITY
Be honest and tell yourself the truth. Accept the fact that, it has ended for good. The study has proven that about 78 per cent women and 46 per cent men go back to social media to check out the pictures of their ex.
For example, a woman that just lost her beloved son goes over his pictures everyday to cry. What do you think she is doing to herself? Answer it.
That is exactly how it is when you go back to check their pictures, going through their profiles and trying to see what they are up to.
You are hurting yourself and preventing yourself from healing. Stop torturing yourself and move on! Decide to let go, feel the pain and live in the present. stop blaming yourself and others.
Laugh as much as you can. An old Yiddish proverb says, what soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. Laughter they say, is the best medicine. It decreases the stress hormones and triggers the release of endorphins.
Endorphin is a natural chemical that makes the body to feel good. It relieves pain and promotes an overall well being, heals your mind, body and soul.
Let laughter heal your wound. Watch comedy, humour is good for your soul. Look for anything that will make you happy. You will be surprised how fast you will heal.
SPEND TIME WITH LOVED ONES
Be with people who truly love you. Who value you and know your worth. Spend time with people who appreciate your personality. It could be family, friends, associates, etc. Even if it’s one person.
It will help you to build your self-confidence again. Do not discuss your relationship here, it will aggreviate your anger and pain. It will make you feel more hurt. Just be happy with them and have fun.
Talk about all the sweet things that give you joy, play games, etc. Do not fall into bad hands nor let your emotions be controlled by judgemental people, they will drive you crazy.
Know yourself again and be the best you can. As I often say; don’t think that you are the only one in this situation. Shake off all the negative energy around you. Stop torturing yourself. Quit regretting and dwelling in the past.
Give yourself some values. Value yourself, If you don’t, no one will. What is happening to you is normal; Go out, find out and focus on those things that make you happy.
Pay less attention to what people think or say. Make those changes you need in your life. Set boundaries in case of subsequent pains. Break forth from your fear, do things for yourself.
WORK ON YOURSELF TO BE A BETTER PERSON
Channel that anger into building yourself. The best form of revenge is a success. Strive to become better than you were. Compliment yourself as much as you can. Appreciate yourself.
Be grateful for what you have, for whom you are, for your life. Though it might seem as if it’s meaningless or worthless but believe me; appreciating yourself is a sure way of building your confidence and it will surely help you to heal faster.
Your case is not the worst. Everyone is going through one problem or the other. Don’t even think of being in the other person’s shoe, you have no idea what they are going through. Manage yours and deal with it.
Refocus your energy on the things that matter most; your life. This is the time you have to rebuild your life. Take good care of yourself. Look more beautiful/handsome.
I know you will be wondering why I have to include prayer, am I now a priest? LOL. No matter how difficult it is at this point, one thing is inevitable; the supreme being. Even though at this moment it seems as if there is no God.
Have faith, lay down your worries and pains. Ask for the strength to pull through. Pray for better opportunities ahead. Be courageous and match forward to conquer your world.
SET GOALS FOR YOURSELF
This aspect is very important because takes you off from your weeping bed and brings you back to life. Lay your hands on something and become more productive, no matter how little it is.
Accomplish more goals. Make plans, realistic ones. Be specific, something you have passion for, research and work on it. Just fly!
TALK TO SOMEONE
Try talking to someone If you still affected by the whole situation. Don’t carry it alone. Talking about it might be a step away from healing. It reduces the burden.
The more you talk about it the more you let out the bad energy associated with the heartbreak. Don’t bottle up in silent while you are dying. Look for a professional. The reason for this is simple; the more you talk, the lesser you will feel.
SEE THE POSITIVE SIDE
Surround yourself with positive energy. Encourage yourself, focus on the good part of the breakup; yes, you heard me right, the good part. There must be something good about the breakup.
Check out the lessons you have learned from the whole process and work on them. Look at it from the other way round, what a mess it would have been if it had worked. What would you tell someone going through a similar situation? Think it through and act accordingly
Think of something you endured about this person, that thing you never liked; it will help you to get rid of the pain easily. That annoying thing that you refused to accept because you were in love, now is the perfect time to let it out real hard, #smile.
Study shows that when you look at your love, your brain suppresses the instinct that will make critical judgments. This explains why you see someone you love as perfect, so handsome or so beautiful but once you break up, you start asking yourself what you saw in him (her) before, LOL.
For you to heal, you have to forgive yourself first. Acknowledged your mistakes and improve. Stop punishing yourself and remember you deserve to be happy. Let go of the past, everything you did or didn’t do right is gone, plan better for the future.
EFFECT OF HEARTBREAK
Depression is mostly associated with heartbreak due to the excessive thinking, regrets and self-torture. The rate of depressed people is very alarming. That is why you see people committing suicide after a heartbreak.
A study has proven that, the brain does not know the difference between physical and extreme emotional pain. Also, that our brains react to heartbreak the same way they react to physical pain.
According to research, our body go through withdrawal symptoms during a heartbreak. The physiological effects of heartbreak are almost the same as that of a drug addict withdrawing from drugs. This is because most people get addicted to love, or in other words, addicted to their relationships.
Heartbreak is a difficult thing to deal with and can make you feel like you don’t know yourself anymore. You now suddenly have to learn to live for just yourself.
During this period of heartbreak, our body is prone to different illnesses due to the vulnerability of our system. Our body produces high level of Cortisol which weakens or shuts down our immune systems.
According to research, suffering from a traumatic emotion such as a heartbreak can cause stress hormones in our body so powerful that they can stun the heart, leading to heart attack.
Emotional imbalance which is associated with heartbreak can lead to partial madness, if not well handled can develope to a severe case.
Can heartbreak lead to death? the answer is yes.
Heartbreak can cause one never to love again. Also, read WHY DO GIRLS MARRY GUYS THEY DON’T LOVE
When frustration creeps in and it seems as if there is nothing left for you anymore, say these things to yourself. Encourage and motivate yourself. Don’t wait for anyone to do it for you. They will help you to heal faster. Just keep them close as a soft reminder of the greatness that lies in you:
- I will be fine
- I am strong
- I am not a failure
- I can pull through
- I will find love again.
- This pain will go away
- I deserve to be happy.
- I won’t give up on myself
- Greater things lie ahead
- I can do better without them
- I love myself and I am lovable
- There is nothing wrong with me.
- My happiness is solely in my hands
HOW TO AVOID A HEARTBREAK
Is heartbreak avoidable? Can you prevent your heart from being broken? I have a bad and good news for you. The bad news first, heartbreak has no end. There is no guarantee that it will never happen again. It’s something that will be reoccuring as much as you allow it to be.
Now, the good news in as much as you will take these guides step by step; It’s not like you won’t feel bad if anything goes wrong again, you will.
After all, you are still a human being but it won’t hurt you so deeply, anymore. Try to put these things into practice, it will help you subsequently. Let’s see:
- Don’t plan the wedding even before a proposal, have a clean and open mind
- Too many expectations can lead to great disappointments.
- Define the relationship from the beginning, it will save you a lot of energy. Have a clear picture of what you are getting into and be sure that’s what you want at that point. Make sure you are both on the same page. If not, use the next exit door, its for your own good.
- Study the person you are starting a new relationship with. Some of the things they say out of impulse is their real self.
- Trust your instinct. It was given to you for some reasons and one of them is this.
- Do not get obsessed. Thinking about someone you love or care about is natural and inevitable but you should know when to draw the line. Know when it is gradually turning into obsession and stop it immediately. Obsession is not love and it’s not good for you.
- Get distracted a little bit. Find something else that you love and occupy your mind with. A hobby or something you have passion for, it will help you to redirect your mind.
- Be true to yourself when you begin to see the red flag. Don’t ignore them. Don’t think they will fix themselves. Don’t let love blind you. Act when it is necessary..
- Learn the act of self-control. Cultivate it into your life. Be in control of your feelings and emotions. Take charge of your own life. Know when to start and when to stop. Don’t be controlled by your emotions.
- Do not depend on anyone to build you or make you happy. Depend on yourself to avoid disappointments. The only person who will love you and never break your heart is yourself.
- The best type of love is self-love.
Remember that life is in phases, this phase will surely pass. This is a trial period for you, be strong and overcome it. Don’t let it swallow you. Don’t do anything stupid to yourself, please. Remember, so many people passed through it and survived, I did and I know you will. Trust yourself, you will overcome and smile again.
A brief run down of the best way to heal fast, lets see:
- Accept the reality
- Spend time with loved ones
- Rediscover yourself
- Work on yourself to be a better person
- Set goal for yourself
- Talk to someone
- See the positive side
- Forgive yourself
If you’ve gone through a heartbreak, you will never wish to go down that road ever again. Guide your heart, you’ve got only one. Don’t play bet with it. Anyone who genuinely loves you will never intentionally hurt you. You deserve better. Love and appreciate yourself. You don’t need anyone’s approval to be happy.
Being single is not a crime, everything will fall into place at its own time. Be smart enough to pull out whenever you see yourself going down same road again. Always remember, the best type of love is sellf-love.
I hope this post is helpful. Add any other one that I missed, also share your recovery story with us, let’s learn together.
Remember; your happiness lies in your hands. Find your peace!
Much love from me to you.
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