Have you ever wondered why people marry who they don’t love? I guess you have. Did you marry who you don’t love? Or are you considering marrying someone you don’t love? This is a common occurrence, almost considered as a normal thing.

We see things like this everyday and hear stories of this nature, very often. I’ve asked myself this question as well, and I found these reasons among other ones. This topic is very personal to me because I almost fell a victim to it so, I am going to take my time to explain it.



As we all know, love alone cannot sustain any type of long-term relationship such as marriage. There are so many other ingredients needed to make a relationship sweet and palatable. These  ingredients include but not limited to:

  • Patience
  • Understanding
  • Tolerance
  • Trust
  • Compromise
  • Etc

All these and more, are what keeps you going with your partner. If you can keep them in check, you will have a very smooth relationship. No relationship is perfect, just as no human being is perfect but these factors can guarantee a sweet partnership.

Also, read 12 THINGS THAT CAN RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Before going into your relationship, before starting this journey; love is expected to be in your A-list. It’s something you shouldn’t neglect or overlook because, it plays a vital role in your relationship. You are supposed to be fully convinced that your heart beats fast for this person, before going into it.

This is considered to be the ideal situation of finally deciding to settle down with her or to say yes to him, but this is not the case in every love story or marriage out there. According to Aaron Ben-Zeev, the author of ‘In the name of love; he wrote that, continued marital passion is rare, that less than 10% of married couples are passionately in love. This might sound weird or untrue, but I totally agree with him.

In this particular post, I will be concentrating on women but some of these factors or reasons are also applicable to men as well. We will be discussing some of the factors that can lead a woman to marrying a man she is not in love with. Deep inside of her, she knows that, she doesn’t love this guy but she will still go ahead and marry him anyways, why?

Some of these women ended up getting it right, along the line while some, have finally come to the conclusion that, they have made a terrible mistake of their lives. Some are battling to come out of the relationship while others have accepted it as their fate and have decided to live unhappily, forever.

All these factors we are about to discuss now, are so real because, I was almost a victim to some of them as I said earlier but, I was able to have a rethink before dragging myself into an unending pit. I would have been part of those ones that will realise that, they have made a terrible mistake because I know that I  wouldn’t have gotten it right afterwards.

Without much delay, let me hit the nail straight on the head. There are so many factors which can lead a woman to marrying someone she does not love or attracted to. Some are personal while some are not. which ever the case may be, I always believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. These factors are discussed below, let’s see:

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  • Peer / Family Pressure

Pressure, no matter the angle it is coming from, can push you into marrying a man you feel nothing for. It can make you so uncomfortable with yourself that, you will just decide to go with anyone you see.

Some families are the cause of the problems most of these women are facing today in their marriages. They will keep on pushing you to marry; reminding you that all your mates are married with kids. Making your life so unbearable in your own house. A mother was threatening her daughter to either get married or leave her house. She was left with no choice than to marry any man that came around. It’s pathetic.

Some women are been pressured into getting married because their younger ones wants to marry. In other to avoid the scenario where you’re still at home and your younger ones are getting married; you will be left with no other choice than to marry the next guy that knocks at your door, whether good or bad.

I have seen a situation where a lady was pushed to marry because her grandmother was about dying and she wants to see her married before she dies. This lady was on a serious quest to marry. It was like an ultimate search with a very limited time. The pressure was so high on her. All the people that love her advised her to take it easy but, she insisted on making her grandmother happy before she dies, which is a good thing though but now, she is a shadow of herself. Her case is a long story.

In some cases, it is the ladies that pushed themselves into wrong marriages. They took this decision to settle down with anyone available because, all their friends are married and they don’t want to be left behind. The marriage gist is so interesting, that they want to be part of it. Some friends are actually very wicked, lol. They will be shining their rings on your face, making you look miserable or less of a woman because you are not married yet.

No matter the reason or circumstance, do not allow yourself to be pressured into marriage or anything else when you are not ready for it or fully convinced it is the best option at that moment.

Do not take a lifetime decision under pressure, so you won’t regret it tomorrow.

 

 

  • A Serious Previous Heartbreak

You will never understand what this means, if you have never experienced a serious heartbreak in your life. I’m not talking about all those secondary school games. I am talking about a real life heartbreak, lol. The one that leaves you with no heart. Only, but a few will understand.

A lady, who has gone through a terrible heartbreak in the past, most often, deletes the word ‘love’ from her heart. As far as she is concerned, there is nothing like love in this world. In fact, that thing called love does not exist at all. This will be her new ideology. She will be entering subsequent relationships or even get married with it unless, she is lucky enough to meet someone that will heal her. (very touching).

Previous heartbreak destroyed Jeff’s heart in this story. Read  A PIECE OF ME (Episode 4)

This particular factor is very dangerous because it usually terminates every trace of love left in you. Such a heartbreak leaves you with literally, no heart. It will make you to go into marriage just for marrying sake not because you love the guy or any other man for that matter.

In other to protect the remaining pieces of your heart, you decided to lock it up. That does not make you a bad person, you are only trying to avoid a future reoccurrence of pain inside your soul. I perfectly understand how you feel because, I’ve been through that road too. At a point, I told myself to forget about everything called love. My heart was shut for good but, there is always a healing time for everything.

Do not take a lifetime decision when you are emotionally down. Always think it through.

 

 

 

  • Having an Overwhelming Responsibilities

We all have responsibilities but when you have too many of it, staring at you face to face, you tend to take the easy way out, which is getting married. At this point, you are only interested in getting married to a man who will share the load you’re carrying with you or take it off your shoulder entirely, nothing else. You don’t care whether you love him or feel anything for him. You don’t care to know if he is the type that you can spend the rest of your life with. All that matter to you at that moment is to take down the load you are carrying.

A story of a sister. She got married to a man she feels nothing for, just because her family was in too many depths and she has to redeem them. I asked her a very simple question, ‘are you happy marrying this man? And her answer was quit shocking. She told me “it doesn’t matter” as long as she will be able to clear all their depths.

Deep inside, she is not happy. Let me ask this silent question, what happens after the wedding, when you gets home to face the real marriage? What happens when you see his face and you can’t stand him? Your guess is as good as mine. Now, you are beginning to understand why there are so many chaos in many marriages.

Your case could be lack of good source of income and you needed someone that can take care of you and carter for your needs, both personal and family members’. You are so overwhelmed with too many responsibilities that, any man who offers any little help to you, automatically becomes your Mr right.

There is absolutely nothing wrong, if you are going through a rough time and there is someone somewhere, whom you are drawing from his well of abundance, but is that the major yardstick to measure who you can spend the rest of your life with? I’m sure you can answer that.

Do not take a lifetime decisions when you are unstable. Always think it through

 

 

  • The Fear of Being Alone

You will be shocked to know that many women are so lonely. They have no one. They are literally alone, and to them, the only way out of this unpleasant state is to get married. So many ladies fall under this category. A lot of women jump into marriage with this notion.

You become so scared of ending up alone mostly when age is catching up with you; you will start thinking, if you don’t do anything now, you might be left alone forever. You will remind yourself of that saying that ‘drastic time calls for drastic measure, and to you this the drastic measure you have to take. At this stage, most ladies become very vulnerable and open for any man, all in the name of marriage. They don’t care anymore. Love doesn’t matter at this point.

A younger lady could still fall under this category as well. As a result of witnessing an ugly experience of someone close, either a sister or family friend. You watched how she suffered alone and you told yourself you can’t be in this situation. You don’t want what happened to her to happen to you. So you decided that the first man that knocks at your door, you are going, whether he is good for you or not. You just don’t want to be alone.

There’s no time to ask, can I live with this person? Am I connected to this man? Do I even feel anything for him? No time for all that, all that you want is to get married. Okay, goodbye to your husband’s house, but remember, after the wedding comes the marriage.

Sophia was so lonely and needed marriage for consolation. Also, read A PIECE OF ME (Episode 5)

Maybe you are homeless at this moment and the only thing on your mind right now, is to get married. Marriage is the only option, at least, you will have a house to call your own. You are not considering how happy will be in this house but, as long as you have a house, that’s all.

Sometimes, it is very obvious; you are seeing it that, this guy do not really love you. You don’t need any fortune teller to tell you, even a blind man can see it. But you still insisted in going into the marriage thinking that, he will just wake up one morning, boom! he is in love with you, Okay. Miracles do happen, I know that but, it’s not everyday.

If you can’t create a little time to think twice now, you will have forever to regret.

 

 

  • Quest for an Accomplishment

This factor is often common with most societal ladies.

Some ladies got married for this reason and not for love. Simply to upgrade her business or career. To have an unlimited assess to bountiful contracts or to occupy a bigger position. The purpose of this marriage is basically business oriented. This type of marriage mostly crashes immediately the aim is achieved. You don’t care whether you can live with this man or not, as long as he is a good ladder for you to climb to the top, you are good to go.

 

  • Poor Upbringing

This is another important factor that we must talk about. Some people don’t believe that people as these ones exist, but let me shock you a little because they do exist.

I’ve seen a woman who practically told me with quit a handful of reasons to back herself up that, there is nothing like love. All her life, she doesn’t know what love means. Her growing up was so rough with some horrible experiences. She never felt loved. Just as the saying; you cannot give what you don’t have. Her definition of marriage is to reproduce and that’s all.

Their house was and still is, like the house of commotion. There is literally no connection between her mum and dad, you can hardly see them sit together, or discussing not to talk of laughing together. And this lady is going into her own home with all what she learnt from her childhood. She doesn’t care about the man she is planning of spending the rest of her life with. This person needs a serious psychological permutation.

Always think it through so you won’t regret it tomorrow.

 

 

 

  • Love of Money

In this our 21st century, this factor seems to be the most common. We’re at the stage where the highest bidder takes the bride. The only thing you consider in marrying this man is how many cars or houses he has. Who his father is or his financial background. You don’t care about your compatibility with him.

Every lady wants to live a good life, ride expensive cars and live in a mansion. Any man who possess these features, automatically becomes the one you’ve been waiting for all your life, How convenient! I don’t want to say much about this factor because it is something we see everyday.

You got married to a man you can’t stand. You know that you don’t feel anything for him but because, you want to be drawing from his ocean of wealth, you decided to tie the knot with him, congratulations! Remember there is a marriage after wedding.

Do not take a lifetime decisions in a haste. Always think it through.

 

 

  • Taking a Revenge on Someone

You could see marrying this guy as a payback time. An opportunity to make him see a little of wickedness and feel pains for all the things you went through in his hands. Nothing will make you more happier than this.

I almost fell into this one before, I realized I was doing myself more harm than the person. He hurt me so much that I lost everything called feelings for him, in fact I detested him, Can you imagine what it feels like for someone to disappear after all the plans for your marriage? So painful. He came back later with his crocodile tears and apologized. I knew that was the perfect time for me to show him the real meaning of pain.

Deep inside my heart, I know that I don’t love him anymore nor feel anything for him, but I decided to play along, to marry him; just to have enough time and space to deal with him. To make him pay for everything he made me go through. To make his life so miserable.

On a second thought, I asked myself, is this what you really want for yourself? In the process of making him unhappy for life, how happy will I be? I realized that, for me to make his life miserable, I have to be miserable as well and for me to make him unhappy, I have to be unhappy too. If I would end up miserable and unhappy for the rest of my life just to make him feel pain, then what have I achieved?

I had to advice myself that, it doesn’t worth it. It’s better for me to let go, and I am happy that I did. There are a lot of women trapped in a similar situation. It’s not all that will have a rethink. So many are living so unhappily because they married for a pay back.

A lady told me her story. She married her ex’s best friend just to take a revenge on her ex for leaving her. She believed that he will be so hurt seeing her with his friend. Though it worked but what’s the gain if you will end up miserable too. No gain. She doesn’t feel anything for this her husband, according to her,  the guy irritates her. She doesn’t allow him to touch her.

It’s not because the guy is ugly but her spirit doesn’t accept him but she is married to him, Life! In the process of trying to get back at someone, you ended up ruining your own happiness, which in turn affects every other part of your life.

Always think it through. If you can’t create a little time to think twice now, you will have forever to regret.

 

 

  • Bad Company

These people will never give you good advice. They are the people who tell you to just marry, it doesn’t matter. Who love help? The most important thing is that you are married. They will give you example of how they also married someone they do not love or feel anything for. They will remind you of your status that will change from miss to Mrs, that’s all that matters.

They will never be honest enough to tell you what they are suffering as a result of bad decision they took in marriage. They want you to come in and have a feel of what they are going through. They don’t want you to find happiness and fulfillment in life or marriage.

In writing the story of your life, don’t let anyone hold the pen.

 

 

  • Family Ties

In some cultures, a woman has no right on whom to marry. The family decides which suitor is good for her and which family is most suitable for her, whether she likes the man or not, it doesn’t matter. In some cases, the family introduces any man they like to their daughter and emotionally manipulates her to marrying the man. This can sometimes be referred to as ‘forced marriage’

A sister told me of how her mum made her marry her husband even though she never loved him. She had a man she was in love with and they were about to get married but her mum refused. Her reason was simply because the guy is not from their place and she wanted her to marry from their locality. They’ve been married for more than fifteen years now with kids and till tomorrow, she still do not love him. What a life!

She cries all the time and blames her mum for ruining her life. For the records, her husband is not poor as many might be assuming. She is tired and wants to leave the marriage but she is still there because of her children and what people will say, according to her.

Always think it through so you won’t regret it tomorrow.

 

 

CONCLUSION

To the single sisters out there, as they say, prevention is better than cure. Please and please again, think things through before you finally say yes. Why do you want to ruin your happiness by marrying a man you know in your very heart that you are not happy with? Don’t give up on your tomorrow because of today’s circumstance. No matter the reason or the circumstance behind your actions, always place your happiness above them all. Your long-term happiness should always over ride  your momentary happiness.

You might feel happy at that moment because you’ve achieved your aim but, have you considered what will happen after you begin to spend time together with this person under the same roof. Picture yourself with him, will you look back after some years and congratulate yourself for taking this decision now or will you blame yourself for not thinking?

My candid advice, be sure you are saying yes to a man you feel something for. A man whom you smiles just by thinking about him. Someone who brings out the best in you. One second without him feels like forever to you. Someone who makes you complete; when he’s not there you feel like a part of you is missing.

 

Let’s have a quick recap of the points discussed:

  • Peer / Family Pressure
  • A Serious Previous Heartbreak
  • Having an Overwhelming Responsibility
  • The Fear of Being Alone
  • Taking a Revenge on Someone
  • Quest for an Accomplishment
  • Poor Upbringing
  • Love of Money
  • Bad Company
  • Family Ties

 

All these are why we have so many broken relationships and uncountable unhappy homes. Your reason for getting into this union was for a temporary fulfillment and it can’t keep you for too long. It will expire as soon as you achieve that primary purpose,  for example you married this man because of money, connections or loneliness, now you’ve gotten all that, what is next? You can see that the reason for this marriage has expired, there is nothing to keep you in it anymore. Nothing to sustain you, and that is why right now, you want a divorce because you cant take it anymore.

A temporary purpose, which will give you a short-term happiness can not sustain a long-term relationship.

If you are already in this situation as a married woman, it is never too late to make amends. You don’t deserve to remain unhappy or miserable for the rest of your life. First step, you have to decide to make it work. Both of you should really create the time to sit down and talk.

Find out something about him that interests you. There must be something. If you search for it, you will find it. It might even shock you to discover more than one which you never saw because you shut your mind from finding out.

When you discover something about him that interests you, you will begin to appreciate him and that is when you will begin to develop feelings for him.

One woman told me and i quote, ‘my sister, there is nothing I like about this man, absolutely nothing. There is nothing good about him. He disgust me. That’s her husband she was talking about. It was a serious situation. I gave her a very simple assignment which actually worked for her and they are now, on their honeymoon after so many years of being together.

That’s why I said, its never too late to make amends. No matter how long you’ve been in this, there’s always a way out. Mind you; what works for someone else might not work for you. That’s why it’s best for you to open up, talk to someone, don’t die in silent.

Everyone makes mistakes, but the ability to learn from it and move on is what matters the most.

Much love from me to you.

Till we meet again.

Let me know what you think. What other factors did I omit?

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